Sunday, November 14, 2010

Honesty (PART 2/2)


As you can see in the previous entry, there exists negative responses to an Aspie’s innate drive for honesty. There are negative responses that are even worse!
In some malicious cases, an NT (at work for example) that’s particularly psychopathic (could be a coworker or EVEN a boss/manager!) might want to find out what the Aspie thinks about something just to see if that person is “loyal” to their side, or if he can be manipulated. The innocent, unsuspecting Aspie then reveals his true thoughts in response to the question and the NT can make his decision. If he reckons the Aspie is a “threat” or “vulnerable” to him, he can easily gossip to other NTs and manipulate the information to make the Aspie look bad, and subtly encourage other NTs to harass and bully the Aspie (or he can do all the dirty work himself), which very often leads to the Aspie quitting their job despite having the required skills.
The Aspie’s reduced Theory of Mind means that he lacks the innate ability to see what other people *TRULY* want (mostly NTs) in a conversation, and that they may want something else other than direct honesty or that they want to use the honest remarks for other potentially negative purposes (like in the psychopathic example I’ve given). There exists an initial incompatibility, and this impairs his ability to easily form friendships with NTs (compared to other NTs).
Through negative experiences in adolescence and/or adult life, an Aspie may develop various coping mechanisms to “survive” better socially with NTs and not be so ostracized or treated like shit so much by them. In my case, because I’m not sure as to whether an NT truly wants me to be honest, I’ll use *WHITE LIES* (lies to compliment a person or avoid hurting their “feelings”) in conversations which aren’t fully serious/severe. Note that I would NEVER use a White Lie on a patient though in regards to their medical condition, medications, treatment or prognosis, as that’d be professional incompetence as well as unethical, and I can get into very deep trouble for it. Also, for the markedly few NTs who genuinely appreciate my full honesty by specifically stating so, I don’t use White Lies on them either.
I used to feel guilty and upset about making White Lies, as I still consider that dishonest. However due to multiple bad experiences with NTs (via bullying and ostracizing) when I was being completely honest, I’ve decided to give them a taste of their own medicine. I also fear that a few nasty NTs will somehow use my honesty against me. I no longer feel guilty about giving white lies to NTs. Now I think “If you want me to lie to you, then I’ll bloody lie to you then!!!”
Here’s one that happened in real life in an MSN conversation:
Words in brackets “( )” are internal thoughts. Stephanie isn’t the girl’s real name.
Stephanie: Hey Ken, I got a new boyfriend.
Ken: Who’s your new boyfriend?
Stephanie: Paul!
Ken: You mean Paul from the year above us?
Stephanie: Yeah! What do you think?
Ken: (Hmm, I don’t know Paul well and I don’t think he’ll last long with Stephanie seeing that she only lasted a few weeks with her previous boyfriend in which she dumped for reasons that I personally deem superficial. I dunno if they have much in common, but perhaps they’ll actually enjoy each other’s company. How they enjoy each other’s company, I can’t imagine coz I don’t see how they have much in common, but then again I don’t know Paul that well. Stephanie likes shopping, reading, jewellery and fashion, and she likes checking out the horoscopes section in The Age newspaper. Bleh, I think they’ll probably be in their honeymoon phase, where they’re still enjoying the thrill of being in some sort of intimate relationship that I can’t understand. I wonder why Stephanie is asking me what I think of her newly formed relationship if I dunno Paul that well? If she knows that I dunno him well and I say that I don’t think it’s good, then she might retort by accusing me of saying that coz I dunno Paul well! Omg, is this a trick question? I think I shall have to give her a compliment then. After all, she’s being superficial by asking me about something which I dunno much about, so she may as well expect a superficial answer. And she knows she’s being superficial. She’s not that dumb, she’s in Med School! If I give a simple compliment, then I doubt that she’ll hold anything against me. That’s it. I think she wants me to give her a compliment to make herself feel happy. Very well then, I shall lie to her about how I’m happy for her, but I shall make it sound as sincere as possible.)
Well you seem happy, and I imagine that Paul would be happy as well, so I’m happy for you!
Stephanie: Awwww thanks Ken! : - )
NOTE THAT I TOOK 20 SECONDS OF INTERNAL THOUGHTS TO COME UP WITH THAT COMPLIMENT IN AN MSN CONVERSATION ON THE INTERNET. IMAGINE HOW STRESSFUL IT IS FOR ME TO COME UP WITH WHITE LIES AND “APPROPRIATE/POLITE” RESPONSES TO NTS IN CONVERSATIONS IN REAL TIME!!!!!!!!!
As you can see, my lack of Theory of Mind in regards to NTs makes it very tiring for me to engage in conversations with them without appearing offensive and rude. However I know that if I constantly compliment people on things which they talk about, they may ironically regard me as a doormat (vulnerable person) or somebody that’s a “Yes-Man”, so I have to remain assertive to a degree without appearing all out aggressive. This is when I use my other coping mechanism of MORE INDIRECT SPEECH/EUPHEMISMS.
I’m usually very direct and honest coz as an Aspie, that’s what my innate traits are. To talk in any other style strains my mind and makes me tired as I have to cognitively think of another response, such as the White Lies. However if I still want to at least stay by my stance, then I’ll use the more indirect speech to convey my thoughts. For example if someone was annoying me by doing a certain action, instead of saying “Stop doing that, you’re pissing me off!”, I’ll say “I’d appreciate it if you didn’t do that.”
And in other times, when I feel tempted to say a remark, I double-check in my head to see if it may offend anybody. If I’m positively sure it won’t offend anybody, then I’ll say it. If I’m not sure if it’ll offend somebody, then I won’t say it, unless it’s of genuine importance in which I will. I’m comfortable with not saying certain remarks anymore. After all I realized, that if I don’t comment on somebody’s actions or appearance, then I couldn’t possibly be lying because in order to lie, you have to make a *statement* with the deliberate intention of misleading others! Not saying anything = Not saying a statement. For example I no longer comment on people being overweight unless they’re a patient and I’m talking about it from a medical perspective.
By the way, I get irritated when I frequently talk to people who often insist on white lies and dislike brutal honesty. From experience this includes lots of NTs, who will ironically even be weirded out or offended when you respond that you’re not good with a detailed reason when they asked “How are you?”
Geez, why did you ask “How are you?” if you didn’t genuinely cared about me? Do you expect me to say “I’m good!” every single time? It turns out they don’t care about me at all, they dislike my honesty, and they’re only asking that question to make THEMSELVES look polite. In other words, a lot of their social interactions are based on maintaining appearances of looking polite and their position in a social hierarchy, hence that superficial gesture. I don’t wish to feel like I’ve wasted my breath for revealing my true feelings to somebody who places me low on their “social priority list”. Therefore from now on, I use the White Lie on them, and I tell them that I’m “Good!” even though I’m not necessarily so…
I tend to reduce my contact with them socially, instead preferring to be friends with other Aspies and the few NTs who have no regards for conformity or pleasing others intentionally, and will appreciate my untainted remarks.
Overall, an Aspie’s innate honesty is a double edged sword in the predominantly NT world. His honesty can make him appear vulnerable to other NTs and lead to abuse by the ones that are malicious, and it makes it stressful and a lot harder for him to flourish socially with other NTs. On the other hand it may also be a very positive thing in terms of employment, where certain jobs themselves require a very high standard of honesty with very little or no “sucking up” to superiors, for example Scientific Research, Medical Pathology/Radiology, Data Entry, Auditing, Translating, and perhaps Visual Arts. In a positive work environment with no psychopathic NTs, the boss and his colleagues will value the Aspie’s honesty and competence, and may entrust him other job tasks that require more confidentiality.
So to any of you Aspies who may feel lonely or frustrated, this is the reality about how your honesty impacts on others. It’s not you that has the problem of wanting to be constantly honest, it’s them (many NTs) for not appreciating your positive trait! Please don’t feel guilty about compromising your values by white lies and indirect comments etc if you want to survive in this world, coz it’s not your fault! I guarantee you there are people out there (both Aspies and NTs) who’ll truly like your innate honesty. They’re hard to find unless you go to specific meeting groups online or in person, but when you find them, they’ll make you feel better about yourself in that you don’t have to live a lie when you’re with them.

Saturday, November 13, 2010

Honesty (PART 1/2)


Aspies and others on the Autism Spectrum have an innate drive to be honest, and have a heightened sense of integrity. This is most likely due to the way they’re neurologically wired. Aspies have the natural compulsion to be honest when talking to other people and when being asked questions, and actually feel quite hurt and/or guilty inside when lying. However, various experiences (especially negative) with NTs (Neurotypicals), which I’ll elaborate on later in this entry, will change the Aspies’ attitude towards honesty.
If you’ve ever spoken to an Aspie child or adolescent who hasn’t had much social experience with NTs, you’ll find that they’re typically down to earth, trustworthy and have unique insights. The way they talk has far less filtering, and if they want to say something, they’ll just say it directly with no sugarcoating bullshit. And if you ask them to explain their thoughts, they’ll explain it in more detail with no inhibition. They can mention patterns, observations or comments that you’d probably never thought of, or dared to say in front of others. A conversation with such a “pure” Aspie with little prior NT influence can be extremely refreshing and amusing.
As an Aspie (and like most others with ASDs), I believe honesty is an excellent thing and is a trait of AS that I cherish (along with directness). When I’m talking to other Aspies and my Psychiatrist, I can confidently rely on pure honesty in order to discuss things productively, because we innately rely on words themselves for communication, and have much less need to rely on body language or any other subtle social cues. Conflicts and arguments may get brought up quicker but they get resolved quicker too because it can be openly discussed with no hidden malice.
However because Aspies and others with ASDs happen to be in the minority (with NTs occupying the majority of adult society), due to the innate difference in communication intentions/styles between ASD and NT people, their innate honesty becomes a disadvantage very quickly and can lead them to being ostracized, bullied or taken advantage of by some NTs.
For starters, Aspies primarily communicate for conveying and receiving information. They usually connect to other people by talking about specific topics, and how those topics relate to them, expecting that in return, the other person will respond with more information about that topic, or how they relate to it as well, ie a factual discussion where both people learn things about each other, no jokes/sarcasm/fluffy crap. This is why it’s naturally hard for Aspies to connect to other people when they don’t have much in common, because the Aspie doesn’t have enough knowledge about the other person’s interests/hobbies/background themselves to have a decent conversation, and has difficulty engaging in conversations for purposes other than direct information transfer, such as banter (friendly joking) and flirting. However, put an Aspie and another person (especially an Aspie) with the same interests/views in the same room, and they can have a rich, flowing discussion that lasts for hours! It feels very euphoric for an Aspie to have a long uninhibited conversation with another person about common topics, and they can remember such conversations (even word for word) for the rest of their life!
NTs don’t have the innate need for honesty like Aspies however, and often communicate for reasons other than direct information transfer. For polite examples, they’re able to bond with other NTs by bantering, gossiping and flirting even though they don’t have much actual interests/hobbies/philosophies in common. They emotionally connect and relate to other NTs quite easily, and can make many relatively positive social contacts easily.
Because the Aspie rarely uses those communication styles (besides direct, honest information transfer), he’ll initially assume that other people are like that as well, which is an impaired Theory of Mind on his part. This will lead to lots of conflict, due to the misinterpretation of the Aspie’s style of talking by NTs and vice versa. THIS IS WHERE THE PROBLEMS CAN OCCUR!!!
An Aspies’ honesty is often misinterpreted by NTs as rudeness, arrogance or naivety as NTs themselves would’ve been dishonest in numerous social contexts. If the Aspie gets informed that the honest remarks they say have offended an NT, they’d initially get puzzled because they would’ve thought that the NT would appreciate their honesty, when in reality the NT wanted a dishonest answer because he had other desires in the communication, for example for his ego to be stroked, to maintain “group harmony” or to maintain his position in the “social ladder”. This can quickly get an Aspie to be ostracized by a bunch of other NTs, who not only aren’t used to such honesty, but feel offended/fearful/”weirded out” towards the Aspie as they don’t understand the reasons for such honesty, thus shying away to avoid their mind and social dynamics from being disrupted by such pure, unfiltered statements.
Here’s a classical example:
NT Girl: Does my bum look big in these jeans?
Aspie Guy: Yes it does.
NT Girl: You’re so rude!
Aspie Guy: But it does look big!
Analysis - The Aspie guy was being honest and direct coz that’s how his mind automatically works, and he thought that the NT girl wanted to know his honest thoughts. But the NT Girl, even though her bum does appear big in the jeans, she asked the question because she wanted a compliment (eg “No it doesn’t, you look great!”), and not because she wanted to know the truth. Because the Aspie guy gives a response that’s contrary to her expectations, she then gets offended and feels that the Aspie guy is intentionally antagonizing her even though that wasn’t the case.
Here’s one that happened in real life:
(In a computer lab, I’m talking to 3 NT girls: Sarah, Emily, and Natasha. Girls’ names changed for privacy)
Natasha: So Ken, who do you think’s better looking, Sarah or Emily?
Ken: Hmm, I’ll have to say Sarah!
Emily: AHHH!!!
Ken: But Sarah’s got great skin!
Emily: AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
Sarah: Rule! You do not say that in front of other people!
Ken: But Natasha asked me a question, so I gave her an answer!
Analysis - At the time, I thought that Natasha genuinely wanted to know my honest reply to her question about who was better looking. I immediately replied to her without taking into consideration of Emily’s feelings at the time. In retrospect, she was taking advantage of my pure honesty and manipulating the conversation so I’d offend one of her friends and make myself look bad in front of them. Her friend Emily did get quite offended and Sarah also thought that my comments were rude. But at least Sarah told me later on that the “correct and non-offensive response” is to lie and say “You’re both equally pretty!”

Saturday, November 6, 2010

Panel Interview– Asperger Students’ High School Experiences and Successful Transition to University (PART 5 - ENDING)

Part 5 (Final Part) of the Panel Interview involving the Aspie students Ken, Andrew and Rose.


Teacher: When you said that something that happened earlier in the day bothered you throughout the day, if something, let’s say happened in Period 2, and it affected you in Period 5, and the teacher said “Is there a problem? What’s happened with you?”, would you be able to explain to them what happened?
Andrew: Possibly not.
Rose: Probably not.
Andrew: And that was why I had a card with me that I was given at school, which would excuse me from any class at any time and I didn’t have to give a reason.
Teacher: Are there any people who when you look at them, immediately get irritated?
Andrew: Well, people who constantly fiddle with things or be very very loud, or have an intrusive voice, something like that. I would find that distressing.
Rose: Funny story, I had 2 managers at where I work, a casual job while I was studying, one of my managers had a bald head, and I apparently had a very strange fascination with bald heads that I’ve now discovered! He was very accepting of me doing “Hee hee hee!”, rubbing his head in the morning. But I have another manager, who plucks her eyebrows very very finely then draws them on, and I find it kinda disturbing actually. I wanted to rub them off and scream “Let them grow!!!” I just can’t look at her face because it’s that distressing. And I mean a lot of women have very finely plucked eyebrows. And she recently got eyelash extensions. And I just can’t look at her anymore. It’s not as though -
Teacher: Does it hurt to look at her?
Rose: I actually find it physically painful to look at her! It obsesses me if I look at her and then I want to take her eyelashes off! And I’m scared that they might fall into her eye, they’re huge!
Teachers: Are you sensitive to certain colours?
Ken/Andrew/Rose: Yes.
Rose: Pink!
Ken: Purple!
Rose: When I was working at a certain section and everything there was pink, and I can’t stand being in that department to clean that area, and it’s an endless battle to with my manager, coz there’s the manager I can’t look at, I say to her “I can’t do this properly, I have Autism”. And she says “But you’re not good at Math.”
Andrew: Again, stereotypes.
Rose: Yes.
Ken: I have problems with things that are high contrast. So let’s say on a winter cloudy day, I’m walking in the street and I see a woman that’s wearing a purple coat and a purple skirt, the colours are like completely different to the surroundings, it’s too stinging to my eyes, and I just have to look away. And I don’t like fluorescent colours and colours or places that are too bright.
Teacher: Well, we have run out of time, so the final question I asked for all of you to answer is, very quickly, “One thing that would improve a Secondary School”. Ken?
Ken: I think teachers, they have to learn to distinguish between Functional social skills, and social skills for the purpose of emotionally connecting to others. And that’s two very different things. I’m perfectly fine with functional social skills, I have to talk to patients and I follow a scripted conversation, but for the emotional thing, I’m still terrible at that. And I think that teachers have to focus more on the Functional social skills because the students, they often have time management issues, and so if you ask them to…if you expect them to be social (Social skills for emotionally connecting), the more time they spend trying to fit in with other people, the less time they have to study on subjects in which they could excel at. And they have the rest of their life to focus on the emotional things. For now, they’re being tested on the VCE subjects, so they (teachers and ASD students) should focus more on that. And also, it’s totally important for the student to choose subjects that they’re interested in, coz if they’re not interested in a subject, it’s so boring, it feels like an absolute chore, and it just slows things down and you have less time to do other subjects and it basically screws you up.
Andrew: For me, apart from VCAA of course, I’d love to change the whole of VCAA if I could, I think it would be the level of understanding amongst educators. You know the awareness, yes that everyone with an ASD is different, and the need to provide that social and emotional support. And the awareness amongst busy teachers, that it may not actually take a great deal of effort to make small adjustments that make a big difference to us. Teachers are sometimes like “Oh but I’m too busy and I gotta think about this, this and this and it’s too hard.” It’s not too hard. Small things can be done, you know like providing some assessment questions in advance, or emailing the student beforehand to check, or making them aware of something, or putting them in a quiet spot. You know all those kinds of things, small things that take one or two seconds that can make a world of difference. And I think that’s really really important for teachers to be aware of. It’s not hard to understand, there are small things that can be done to make a really big difference.
Rose: Also, um, story from high school, start of Year 12, we had an assembly, and I had been using the laptop for a year, and our VCE coordinator said “If you think you have a learning difficulty or some other sort of special need, and you might require something for example a laptop”, 200 eyes from my fellow Year 12s stared at me, the only person who was related to that. I was like “Yep!” Something like that, she was just doing an announcement, but it made me feel socially isolated. And things like that is that when you have an ASD, you might have an issue interacting with people, but the point is that you’re really quite smart, and you can identify to a degree that you have an issue interacting with people, but please don’t bring it to our attention that we can’t interact with people. We’re well aware of that. Generally speaking, I was a happy person coz I made some friends who are probably on the ASD spectrum, actually in all honesty. Don’t make it more obvious, we’re quite smart, and sometimes they do it in the best interests, but there’s a degree of paternalism and we feel as though we’re being talked down to. One thing we hate more than anything else is being talked down to, it just makes us -
Ken/Andrew/Rose: Really angry.
Rose: We have very short tempers in all honesty.
Ken: Very bad tempers.
Rose: Oh yeah, very bad tempers.
Teacher: Rose, Andrew, Ken, it’s been a real privilege to have you here and speak to us about your high school experiences as students with ASDs. We’ve learnt a lot from this session and found it interesting. Thank you very much for your time.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Panel Interview– Asperger Students’ High School Experiences and Successful Transition to University (PART 4)

Part 4 of the Panel Interview involving the Aspie students Ken, Andrew and Rose.


Rose: My mum was my advocate, the school was quite receptive to what she did but she was somewhat known to roll (???) into the school, seeing that my sister and I had a problem. So yeah in regards to that she was known. I did my Special Consideration way back before these guys did. To start with, it was just for Dyslexia so I got a laptop and then for Autism I got a supervisor/clarifier, extra time and things of that nature. But I had to sit my exams separate to everyone else, I have to admit if I could see everyone else I would’ve felt better, but I was on a different level of the school to everyone else, and I found that, it made me feel a bit freaky in all honesty. I can understand it coz me clicking away on the computer would’ve distracted everyone but if I was just in another room with windows and could see everyone else, it would’ve made me feel better or so for my VCE exams.
For every hour, I had an extra half hour and the Economics exam when I sat was about 3 hours long so on the day I thought I was going to start at 3 PM but they wanted me to start at 1 PM, and I had an exam that morning, so I would finish with everyone else. He was warning us in the last exam that I couldn’t say “no I want to start with everyone else”, and it made me very very anxious when I did that exam because my timetable had changed. Please, don’t change someone’s timetable if they have an ASD, don’t do that, at all. This was back in the day we were using floppy disks, and the floppy disk couldn’t work properly, and we couldn’t find my VCE coordinator so my Dad came to pick me up at the end of the morning exam and luckily he had a USB stick when they were first introduced. Freaked me out, really put me off because a week later I had my history exam which was what I was hoping to do very very well in, and in the end I didn’t do well on my Economics exam at all because my timetable had been changed. I was a straight A student for Economics and I ended up only getting about a 33 (50 is maximum Subject Study Score) for the it because I didn’t answer the last few questions, coz if I had to have my timetable changed in the last moment, I would’ve needed a good hour to reset myself, readjust myself, rework what I was going to do. Coz I had my “answer this question by 2:30”, “answer this question by 3:30”, and then I had to recalculate the math in my head.
Teacher: Mmm. Can I ask question to the panel, when we were talking about time management and writing to time, how did you learn that and deal with it?
Andrew: I’ll get back to that sensory question later.
Rose: My mum got me an alarm, coz I prefer to use a face watch, not a digital one, and she got me an actual alarm that I could carry with me so it would make a vibrating sound coz I don’t like beeping electronics. It made vibrating sounds and I practiced during the school holidays to time myself and I worked out how long it took. In VCE, it took me about 45 minutes to do about 1000 good words. Good words is the key point there, so I could time myself on that. And because it was a computer, a laptop, I could go even faster and I learnt to teach myself there, I programmed the laptop to spring up with a reminder that I was meant to be moving on to the next question, that I should be timing myself for things like that. Don’t just get an alarm clock because some people with ASDs don’t like the sound of that, so ask them what sound they prefer to wake them up. Even nowadays, I can’t have my phone on ring, I have it permanently on vibrate.
Andrew: Same.
Rose: So something like that is quite good. During the Summer holidays, in particular for VCE you’re meant to give them VCE stuff to prepare them for, just generally speaking if you ask them to time themselves, for all of the kids in the class, it’ll really be good coz you can work out which kids are going to have time management issues. If you get them to do a couple of practice questions and exams and see how long it takes for them to do it, at 45 minutes, ask them to mark where they are, change pen colour, and you can work out how long someone’s taking. So from there, it basically helps everyone, even just normal people.
Andrew: Do you want to go next Ken, then I’ll go next to the sensory.
Ken: For the time management, um, I did English Language, so it wasn’t as bad as English but, basically there were 2 sections. The first section was, basically they ask the grammatical rules and stuff in sentences and the second part was where we had to write an essay. And like Grace, I allocated a specific amount of time to answer each bunch of questions. And I didn’t have an alarm clock, I just this watch that I used, and I always looked periodically, and I made my own rule, that whenever I answer a question, I quickly look at my watch to see how much time is remaining and when I should move on.
Andrew: Yeah, um I will admit I’m very, very, very bad at time management. One of the things I find difficult is knowing what to put in and what to leave out when I’m writing. Because it’s all very exciting to me, you know. And I’m a detail person, I like lots of detail -
Ken: In the exams, when they ask a question, in the bracket they tell you how many marks that thing is worth. So the more expensive the question, the more time I spend on it. So let’s say there was 120 marks, and the exam was 120 minutes long, I would say “Ok, if this question is worth 5 marks, I must finish it within 5 minutes or else.”
Andrew: Absolutely, and getting back to that detail point, last year I did a subject at Uni called “History of Music : Renaissance” which was fascinating, and I got given that essay topic. I think it was on techniques of Cantus Firmus Treatment in Renaissance Mass Settings, fantastic. It was very interesting! But the word limit was 2500 words, I won’t tell you what my final word count was, but if you times that figure by 4, you might get in the ballpark figure.
To be fair, there are books, there are thousand page books on sections of that topic, as I said to my lecturer at the time. But yeah, time management is a real issue, and for something like English, which is 3 hours, Year 12 English, um A: it’s a lot of writing for anybody, and B: it’s a long time to be in a room under pressure for exams getting worked up, getting anxious about things, and C: also English texts um, I have to mention this because this is a topic very close to my heart, analysis of English texts for ASD students in Year 11 and 12 -
Ken: I hated Year 9 and 10 English. We had to do Romeo & Juliet and Macbeth, and I didn’t understand the emotions -
Andrew: I skipped Romeo & Juliet!
Ken: Seriously, I did so bad in English coz I couldn’t understand what’s going through their heads about love. I don’t understand how people fall in love, and yeah they were asking about that, and I had no idea, and I just made my own theories, like I treated it as a scientific thing but it’s not, it’s very emotional.
Rose: I have a comic book of Romeo & Juliet, it’s a manga. It’s got probably 75% of the important dialogue, the manga version’s facial expressions (of the characters) are so much easier to understand.
Andrew: Just as a side point, if anyone here can give me a definition of what love is, I’d love to hear because I don’t know!
Ken: I had to read the dictionary to see what love is.
Andrew: But yes, in English it’s very very important because they’re chosen for Neurotypicals, the questions are phrased for Neurotypicals, some of the texts I did I still don’t understand. I had tutoring from one of the teacher aides to get me through English. I ended up getting a 50 (highest Subject Study Score) for English which I was quite happy about. But yeah it was very very difficult and knowing how much, how long to spend on those essays was hard. And obviously I had to spend more time on the essays that I found more difficult, the text analysis ones because it took me longer and more energy in my brain to process what was going on and how to write about it, how to write about the characters. I ended up just pouring out phrases that my teachers have told me. I didn’t understand how this character felt when he found he had cancer, you know, don’t ask me, I’ll just write what I was told.
Rose: The “Whose Reality” and “Context” component -
Andrew: Yes, ugh.
Rose: I was under the old one, which I had 4 essays in the exam, now that I’m actually teaching this Curriculum, I still don’t understand what they’re talking about.
Teacher: I’ve known Aspie students who in Year 12, for the “Context” component, often write out of context.
Rose: Mmm, particularly “Whose Reality” as well -
Andrew: Interestingly enough, I did “Encounter in Conflict” in Year 12, and at the time I was diagnosed with Clinical Depression, so that was quite apt for me. But yes for the sensory processing -
Teacher: We got about 5 minutes left.
Andrew: I’ll do a quick bit on the sensory processing. Sensory processing, you know, if you imagine, well it’s hard to imagine, but there are so many issues at school that people might not consider. You know, lights, fluorescent lights, brightness of lights, you know -
Ken: Bells ringing!
Andrew: Yes bells ringing, sounds, my hearing is hypersensitive, I could hear the vacuum cleaners going on 3 doors down the road. Unexpected sounds, classroom chatter, working while people are talking in class is so annoying! You know I just feel like saying to people “Be quiet!” you know. Um, crowds, outside, even coming here today there were students out for recess, I immediately, it was quite challenging for me.
Rose: You almost sprinted here!
Andrew: But yeah, sensory processing is a really big issue and also touch. Something I found because I was a Science student doing experiments, you know having chemicals and things around, and unusual things on my hands, handling a sheep’s heart, no, I mean no…
Ken: In Medicine we do anatomy dissections on cadavers, they’re dead bodies, yeah they preserve it in formaldehyde, it smells absolutely shocking.
Andrew: Absolutely. But the most important thing is, and I don’t think some people realize is that the trigger doesn’t have to be there, at the time, for consequences. You can just be here and something happened earlier in the day, and the student may have had a delayed reaction, or stew on things, play it over in their head, try to understand it, then it comes out later on, and it might be a totally different teacher, and they may be thinking “What’s going wrong here? I’ve got all the set ups, it’s done right…”. No, something happened earlier in the day and they need to be aware that that student needs time out because other things have happened that made them exhausted.
Rose: Also from a female perspective, once a female goes through puberty, there’s other certain commands, that time of the month (menstruation/period), sometimes schools don’t have adequate facilities for that, and it can be quite distressful. Suddenly we’re acting strangely and we need to go to the loo a lot, that’s the particular reason why. Um, also socks, my school had knee high socks. I do not like wearing knee high socks. It’s completely unexplainable why I don’t like wearing knee high socks, but the point is I don’t like wearing them. And also my school uniform was a woollen uniform.
Ken: Oh wool’s itchy!
Rose: Yeah so I always had to have my shirt tucked in under my skirt coz I didn’t like the skirt touching my skin. And my jacket, and when we had to wear the blazer in Summer, it was lined up to about 3 inches at the end, and that 3 inches would be rubbing against my wrists. It drove me absolutely insane, so I had to get a modified blazer where the lining just went over the cuff and over the neck. Then you look different and then you have that unfortunate conversation that you’ve got to have (people constantly asking why you have modified blazer).
Andrew: It’s painful though.
Rose: It’s painful! It’s like having a stone in your shoe.
Ken: And you can’t forget about it, it’s constantly there.
Andrew: Sounds can be painful, really high pitched sounds, particular voices.