In the Graduation Ceremony, when my name got called out, I collected my Testamurs (MBBS, BMedSci) which was followed by a huge applause and cheering from the audience (especially my classmates). All along I thought I was lonely, but at the end of the day, they apparently seemed to have an inkling about what I was going through.
7 years of University Study, over.
It's difficult for me to articulate how relieved I am that I've gone this far and attained the Medical Degree. There were so many ups and downs, and whilst some Patients I found very annoying, I've also met Patients who were encouraging, and Doctors who were supportive and inspired me, as a few of them also had their trials and tribulations. The course was gruelling, and there have been times where I regretted studying Medicine, but given my personal circumstances (particularly my discovery of my AS), it's given the Medical Course even more value, even if I don't work as a Doctor in the future.
I know that there'll be many more hurdles ahead in the future. It's a matter of whether I can handle it or not, and whether the Fight is worth it.
I've been very burnt out and have decided to take a Gap Year to recuperate. I'm a Local Student, so apparently I'm still guaranteed an Internship for 2015 in Victoria, although things are starting to get tight given the local graduate oversupply. I'm supposed to feel extremely happy about graduating, but I also feel very empty inside, coz I'm not proceeding straight to Internship like everyone else.
I suspect a lot of this emptiness is that now my temporary battle in Medicine is over (for now), I have so much temporary freedom that I don't know what to do with it. The uncertainty over my future, and also the lack of guidance. Med School took over so much of my life, at the expense of my "Personal Life", Special Interests, and this Blog. I guess I should get back to rekindling some of my Special Interests, and possibly exploring new ones, along with learning other new skills, so I can have a greater "Armamentarium / Repository" of coping strategies to help reduce Burnout during the actual Internship. Oh and along with typing all those Blog Posts that I wanted to do, but never got to doing.
In retrospect, I could've gained even more from Med School if I had known back in 1st Year, what I know now, but that can't be changed. I just have to reflect on the past, and try to move forwards. Every day that passes, is one day closer to my Death. This Gap Year is my Saving Grace, for me to rest and sort through as many issues as possible.
I better get going for now.
Happy New Year to everyone!!!!!!
