Getting bullied has lifelong consequences for many people, even
more so for ASD people coz of their strong episodic memories. I’ve yet to meet
an ASD person (especially Aspies/HFAs) who didn’t get bullied at some point in
life. In retrospect, while the bullying incidents were pathetic on the bullies’
part, my impression is that the reduced repository of coping mechanisms at the
time in conjunction with less life experience, education and practice of “social
frameworks” increases the adverse impact of such incidents.
I feel more level-headed (albeit super cynical) compared to
the past, but previous incidents have permanently moulded various aspects of my
behaviour and attitudes.
Ever since I was framed and punished for sexual harassment, I
interact with females on a much higher guard compared to males, as they can
easily “destroy” me. I have to follow intellectualized algorithms (on “appropriate
behaviour”) that approximate acceptable NT interactions, and implement extra mechanisms
to reduce the risk of subsequent false accusations:
- I’ve very rarely touched females apart from doing so for medical purposes (physical exam) with their consent in the presence of another professional.
- I never hug females unless they initiate it.
- I try to respect their personal space by following proxemics, increasing the physical distance between us (50+ cm) by standing behind a chair or a table when talking to them.
- Any vague answers to my requests are automatically interpreted as “No”/”I don’t want to”/”Stop it”/”I’m not comfortable with this topic”, in which I cease pursuing it lest I aggravate them.
- Never discuss R18+ topics unless you know them very well or they mention it first.
- If they show a frown/angry/suspicious facial expression, ask yourself if you’ve said or done something to offend them within reasonable limits as defined within your database.
So far it’s been somewhat reassuring; I’ve been able to have
neutral/positive interactions with many female patients, students and retail
staff without complaints. I’ve seen or examined some vaginas and breasts (in Obstetrics/Gynaecology
rotation) without getting into trouble. Clearly the absence of complaints following
short encounters doesn’t mean they’re my friends, but at least I haven’t done a
total blunder. Tbh, a lot of my motivation for interacting with females is to
show myself how much improvement I’ve made with regards to complaints as a %age
of all interactions with females in a year. In that respect, I treat it as a
game, aiming for near-0 complaints within a year.
And this is just the tip of the iceberg; I’ve created other
algorithms/rules following other types of bullying and unpleasant interactions
(eg being sworn at).
My major concern however is how to respond when I’m bullied
for the first time through another mechanism, in which I predict I’ll have to
respond by first principles (which I unfortunately haven’t designed yet) and
reading other people’s experiences online…
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